The Film Babble Blog Top Ten Worst Movies Of 2008

2008 was definitely not as strong a year in film as 2007 as it had many more clunkers and mediocre movies that crammed theaters weekend after weekend. I mean this was a year in which respected icons Al Pacino and Robert De Niro (together again for the very first time!) appeared in a movie nobody cared about while Mike Myers and Adam Sandler competed over who could make the least appealing former SNL player vehicle ever (THE LOVE GURU and YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN respectively). I avoided those movies but I saw more than my share of absolutely awful films. Here’s the worst of the worst:

1. WANTED (Dir. Timur Bekmambetov) This ginormous train wreck of a movie actually featured a ginormous train wreck in a central sequence that was certainly its most memorable moment. That, for way obvious reasons, is fitting because the awful premise that attempts to flesh out a FIGHT CLUB-ish dis-satisfied working cog scenerio into a Swartzennegerian high octane comic book extravaganza just ends up a CGI suckfest. I felt sorry for James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie (who make one of the most unconvincing screen couple action duos ever) along with Morgan Freeman, Terrance Stamp, and even the damn fake train for having to take part in this high octane tripe. I literally got sick seeing this last Summer, that may have been the food at the Raleighwood Cinema Grill, but this sure didn’t help!

2. AN AMERICAN CAROL (Dir. David Zucker)

Michael Moore responded to a question from Time Magazine’s Richard Corliss about this movie that mocks him with “[Cyber-silence].” Not dignifying it with an answer was beautiful on Moore’s part because a film that treats Bill O’Reilly like he’s a hero and treats the audience like idiots ready to lap up faux patriotism presented as cheap shots at a popular liberal documentarian should be (and was) roundly ignored. Chris Farley’s brother Kevin was in the lead role as the ersatz Michael Moore – enough said?

3. CHAPTER 27 (Dir. J.P. Shaefer) Infamous John Lennon murderer Mark David Chapman is no deranged Travis Bickle poetically stalking the mean streets, and this is no TAXI DRIVER. Jared Leto gained weight but no cred for this disgusting nothing. Fun fact: Lindsay Lohan’s only screen appearance of 2008 was in this as a Beatle groupie named Jude. Oh, actually that’s not really much of a fun fact. Nothing about this is. Read my review of the detested DVD here.

4. EXPELLED: NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED (Dir. Nathan Frankowski)

The most aptly titled film on the list by far. Ben Stein used to be likable despite being a former Nixon speechwriter because he was like ironic, you know, as the game show host on Comedy Central’s Win Ben Stein’s Money and that classic cameo in FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (“Bueller? Bueller?”). Now he’s destroying that charming ironic image by trying to debunk the theory of evolution and equate those scientists who supposedely repress the study of Intelligent Design to Nazis. This poorly made, poorly written, and just plain poor non doc is even stupider than it sounds. I was too appalled to write a review when I watched the DVD a few months back but I highly recommend Roger Ebert’s blog-piece (not an official review mind you but still brilliant) “Win Ben Stein's Mind” (Dec. 3rd, 2008).

5. THE HAPPENING (Dir. M. Night Shyamalan) The only thing that happened here was we were given the undeniable sign that Shyamalan should be stopped at all costs. Donnie Wahlberg, so good in THE DEPARTED, regressed into a placid persona that will be SNL impression fodder forever. It wasn’t his fault though, some actors are only as good as their material and he was given a formless piece of high concept crap in which to run around aimlessly in. Again, how can we stop Shyamalan such a Hitchcockian hack from offending again? Any ideas?

6. THE ONION MOVIE (Dirs. Tom Kuntz & Mike Maguire) In Britain this was renamed NEWS MOVIE which makes it appear to be in the series of putrid non satires including EPIC MOVIE, DISASTER MOVIE, MEET THE SPARTANS, etc. and though that’s not really accurate it’s still right as rain to add it to that bunch of bullshit. Read how I believe it killed off the tiny sub genre – the sketch comedy film – here.

7. QUANTUM OF SOLACE (Dir. Marc Forster)

Bad Bond – bad! Read how bad here.

8. WAR INC. (Dir. Joshua Seftel) A while back I wrote about how much I craved a new good John Cusack film (A Cry For Quality Cusack - Oct. 6th, 2007) and while he did make a close to decent film this last year (GRACE IS GONE) he took a huge step backwards with this quasi sequel to GROSS POINT BLANK which is just grossly unwatchable. Glib with not a plausible frame or laughable line, WAR INC. wastes not just Cusack but Dan Aykroyd, Marisa Tomei, Ben Kingsley, and even the voice of Montel Williams (that’s right) as well in this toothless political parody. Even John’s usually reliable sister Joan comes off as unbearably obnoxious. I never wrote a review of it but the Onion A.V. Club’s Nathan Rabin’s hilarious appraisal (“No Blood For Oil Stridently Political Case File #129: War, Inc.”) in which he labels it a “Fiasco” is well worth checking out.

9. THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (Dir. Chris Carter) Way to kill off a possible franchise, Mr. Carter! Make a movie that contains none of the original supernatural charm of the seminal series or the previous film and make it excruciatingly dull too, why doncha? Read more of my bitching here.

10. CASSANDRA’S DREAM (Dir. Woody Allen) Hey - The Woodman has a film on both my Best Of and Worst Of 2008 lists! The luscious VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA luckily erased memories of Ewan Macgregor and Colin Farrell as brothers who scheme to…uh, like I said I don’t remember. I just remember being bored and wondering if Woody would ever make a good movie again. Thankfully he did. Read more about my darkness before the dawn (I know –sounds appealing doesn’t it?) here.

Okay! I skipped so many movies that probably would’ve made the list had I seen them – 88 MINUTES, SPEED RACER, FUNNY GAMES (I did see the original if that means anything since it was a frame by frame remake), BANGKOK DANGEROUS (more crappy Nicholas Cage!), THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, MAMA MIA!…the list goes on and on. Well, for now at least, it stops.

More later…

5 Multiple Role Movie Masters

There are not many actors that can truly pull off playing more than one part in a single movie (hence this being a top 5 and not a top 10 list). It can be a scene killer and movie deal breaker if it’s not a convincing second character, or in some cases 3rd or 4th or 15th character (see # 3 on the list). In making this list I wanted to avoid when actors play their twin brothers or sisters (or other family members for that matter – but that rule was meant to be broken) or when they are clones, robot copies, or their primary character in disguise. Also tried to weed out the one timers – I mean Sir Alec Guinness was fantastic as 8 different people in KIND HEARTS AND CORONETS but in the end that didn’t make the cut over those whose careers are almost based on their multi-tasking personas. Especially like this guy's :

1. Peter Sellers (1925-1980) Tops the list because he's the only actor ever to be nominated for the Academy Award for playing 3 different parts * - Captain Lionel Mandrake, President Merkin Muffley, and the title character in DR. STRANGELOVE. He was even originally going to play a 4th character - Major T.J. 'King' Kong but he was uncertain of his ability to do a Texan accent so the role went to Slim Pickens. Sellers came from a sketch comedy radio background as a member of the Goons (with Spike Milligan, Michael Bentine, and Harry Secombe) so he was well equipped early on to handle tons of assorted dialects. 9 out of the roughly 35-40 movies he made (depends on which filmography you read) had him playing over 25 different parts. The range of accents, change of genders and ethnic makeovers throughout his career makes it difficult to know how his real voice (if there actually was one) sounded and what he really looked like in real life - though to him there probably was no such thing as "real life".

The most notable of the films in which the master inhabits more than one personage is THE MOUSE THAT ROARED (3 characters), LOLITA (2 characters), the original 1967 CASINO ROYALE (just 2 characters but one was James Bond!) and the little seen SOFT BEDS, HARD BATTLES in which 2 of the 6 parts he played were Hitler and the President. His final film - the dismal THE FIENDISH PLOT OF DR. FU MANCHU had him play 2 characters - the villain of the title and who he considers his "worthy adversary" - Dr. Hayland Smith. Not the greatest exit in cinema history but at least he went out doing what he did best.

2. Eddie Murphy - I'm sure many readers will be cynical about Murphy being this high on the list but just consider this : he's played more characters in a fewer amount of movies than Sellers and he has convincingly portrayed an entire family (aided by CGI) through 2 incredibly profitable if not acclaimed films (THE NUTTY PROFESSOR & NUTTY PROFESSOR II : THE KLUMPS). It worked so well in a movie as cheesily charming as COMING TO AMERICA that I can overlook the device in such crap as VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN and NORBIT. So even if Murphy spends the rest of his days doing the Donkey in future SHREK sequels or resurrecting Axel Foley every now and then for a fast buck he's still got his multi-tasking part playing skills to fall back on.

3. Monty Python (1969-1983) - Okay so many readers wrote me to say that they felt the Python players (Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin) got short shrift in my 10 Definitive Films-Within-Films and 10 Movie Moments That Broke The 4th Wall posts so I’m giving them full due here. Part of the powerful charm of the original BBC Flying Circus program, which was heavily inspired by the Goons (Sellers again!), was that each of the 5 performing members played a bunch of parts in various sketches every episode. Even animator Terry Gilliam, so not an actor, put in a few memorable moments. When it came to their movie work no other films in comedy movie history were as peopled by, well, the same people over and over. I’m not going to list everybody’s exact standing in multiple role-dom but just for example’s sake here’s the most popular Monty Python member John Cleese’s stats :

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT (1971) - 15 characters.
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975) - 7 characters.
MONTY PYTHON’S THE LIFE OF BRIAN (1979) - 6 characters.
MONTY PYTHON LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL (1982) – 12 characters.
MONTY PYTHON’S THE MEANING OF LIFE (1983) - 9 characters.

Whew! That’s 49 different characters in just 5 movies – quite a run, huh? Figure in all the other Python players and their plethora of parts and you’ve got the biggest tally of multiple characters in cinema history. Can’t tell you the exact tally though – too lazy to do the math.

Postnote #1 - Maybe it seems lame to have the Python troupe under one entry but a list where each member was given their own slot would have been tedious - therefore lamer - so I opted for a one for all entry.

Postnote #2 - Carol Cleveland : From Flying Circus to Meaning Of Life she was the unsung female reparatory member. For a list like this that should be noted.

4. Lily Tomlin - Sure, she hasn't been in as many movies where she plays multiple roles as some of the others on this list but for 3 solid reasons she makes the top 5 - 1.) The only highlights of the dire mostly unfunny sci-fi spoof THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN (Dir. Joel Schumacher - go figure! 1981) was in addition to her playing the title character and neighbor the pursed lipped Judith Beasley there was the bringing to the big screen the classic Tomlin character Ernestine - the persnickety telephone operator from Laugh-In. 2.) This list is way too male dominated and we need Tomlin to break up this sausage party. 3.) It's her BIRTHDAY Damnit! She was born in Detroit on September 1st, 1939 - to be exact. So let's give her props, okay? Though I didn't want to include when someone played their own sibling on this list - she did that duty in BIG BUSINESS (Dir. Jim Abrahams, 1988) with Bette Midler playing her own twin sister as well. Also since I made the exception with the Pythons on sketch films and live performance movies - Tomlin's THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE (Dir. John Bailey, 1991) has her performing 5 different character pieces. So I believe she fully qualifies. Happy Birthday Lily!

5. Mike Myers - The shadow of Peter Sellers hangs over just about everybody on this list. But it practically burns through the work of Mike Myers. Especially in the AUSTIN POWERS trilogy (AUSTIN POWERS - INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY ('97), THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME ('99), and GOLDMEMBER ('02) which all echo with swinging Sellers as much as they do the swinging '60's London scene. The obvious concept of playing the hero and the villain (Dr. Evil) as well as the bumbling demeanor also present in supporting characters Goldmember and Fat Bastard (also played by Myers) is pure Sellers derived through and through. From the springboard of early 90's SNL Myers has been blending Sellers methods with his own 2nd generation slacker stoner charm in his movie material and has pulled off some tricky double and triple duty so he slides right in at #5.

Honorable Mention :

Mel Brooks - Throughout the movies he directed and starred in that were mostly genre spoofs (BLAZING SADDLES, HIGH ANXIETY, HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART I, SPACEBALLS, ETC.) Brooks usually played 2-3 characters each time out. They weren't truly different from one another and that was precisely the joke - maybe not the greatest joke but hey - what can you do?

Meg Ryan - Okay so this violates the rule * that it can't just be somebody playing their sibling (which I know already got broken with Lily Tomlin above) but in addition to sisters Angelica and Patricia Graynamore, Ryan also plays Tom Hanks' office co-worker Dede in the 1990 surreal comedy JOE VS. THE VOLCANO. In his entry on this film Case File #40 of My Year Of Flops Nathan Rabin of the Onion AV Club writes "now normally the phrase 'Meg Ryan in multiple roles' is enough to send shivers down the spine or suggest a fate worse than death. And while it pains me deeply to write this, Meg Ryan is adorable!" I concur so let nobody ever say film babble never gave a shout out to Meg Ryan! Now let's move on.

* Also the rule that the actor needs to have been in more that one film playing multiple parts but ah...sue me!

The Kids In The Hall : BRAIN CANDY (Dir. Kelly Makin, 1996) Not quite up to Python standards, oh Hell not even up to SCTV standards the Canadian comedy quintet (Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson) had a good run on TV so why not a full fledged feature with each member playing multiple parts? Sounds great! Wait - key member Dave Foley doesn't really want to take part? Oh okay, he'll do a few bits but won't contribute to the writing? Hmmmm, maybe the whole project should be scrapped - what everybody wants to do it anyway? Okay, It might work. What? It didn't? Damn. Kind of like the last season of Flying Circus in which John Cleese didn't participate, BRAIN CANDY has some good bits but nothing classic. The Pythons though regrouped with HOLY GRAIL - doubt the Kids will ever pull off something like that.

Also according to Wikipedia : "Lon Chaney played dual roles in several films, using the elaborate makeup that became his trademark." I'll take your word for it Wikipedia!

Okay, so that's all I got for now. So before you say Martin Short - I know there are lots and lots of multiple part players I missed so shoot 'em on over!

More later...

10 Movie Moments That Broke The 4th Wall

"What a pisser!"
- Ted Striker (Robert Hays) turning to the camera after being told off by girlfriend Elaine (Julie Hagerty) in AIRPLANE! (Dirs. Jim Abraham, David & Jerry Zucker 1980)


Here I go again with another meta-movie list! The phrase “breaking the fourth wall” has been around for over a century. Though as a concept it's been around since before Shakespeare the phrase itself originates from the theater of Bertolt Brecht. It simply meant that a character makes an aside to the audience. Through the invisible wall those watching are addressed, acknowledged and made to feel a little more “in on the joke” so to speak. It’s a device used a lot more in television than on film. In the 80’s it even became fairly fashionable on such shows like Moonlighting and It’s Garry Shandling’s Show – a show that had as its entire premise comedian Shandling talking directly to the studio audience and the viewers at home. The Marx Brothers may have pioneered the concept in cinema with Groucho’s many knowing winks but Bob Hope really nailed it in the seminal road movies he made with Bing Crosby which is where we’ll begin :

1. ROAD TO MOROCCO (Dir. David Butler, 1942) Bob Hope is the reigning king of breaking the 4th wall for this classic alone. His character Oliver ‘Turkey’ Jackson has an immortal momment when he loses his detached wiseacre demeanor when he desperately declares “I can't go on! No food, no water. It's all my fault. We're done for! It's got me. I can't stand it! No food, nothing! No food, no water! No food!” As the voice of reason his friend Jeff (Bing Crosby) says “What's the matter with you, anyway?…We'll be picked up in a few minutes.” Hope in all his irrefutable glory responds “you had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got in the picture. I might have won the Academy Award!” That’s par for the course in a movie that actually has a camel comment - "This is the screwiest picture I was ever in."

2. ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE (Dir. Peter R. Hunt, 1969) This is seriously significant because breaking the 4th wall was used to break in the new Bond. George Lazenby had one of the hardest jobs in cinema history – to be the first to fill the shoes of Sean Connery in the iconic role of 007. To make matters even more intimidating this was a Bond adventure with substance – one that he gets married in for Christ’s sake! His intro had to matter – it had to have him make a mark and it had to acknowledge the audience’s incoming notion that this guy wasn’t the guy they were used to.

So in what every Bond picture has – a cold opening we see Bond tooling around Portugal in his classic Aston Martin having an instant of near road-rage (we don't see his face in close-up), parking to watch the driver (Diana Rigg) that cut him off attempting suicide by walking into the ocean. He watches through a gun sight mind you. He frantically pulls his car down and runs out to the beach to save her. He drags her out of the water and we get to see his face as he does the customary intro “Bond, James Bond” but immediately adversaries are on his back. A moon-lit beach fight ensues and of course Bond defeats his attackers but Rigg departs eschewing all pleasantries. After picking up her discarded shoes Lazenby remarks “this never happened to the other fellow”. Priceless for many reasons but chiefly because it acknowledged that there was a much loved “other fellow” and while Lazenby didn’t look directly into the camera ‘til after he said the line – the self consciousness was reigned in. Didn’t save him from being a Bond one-termer but still.

3. ANIMAL HOUSE (Dir. John Landis, 1978) According to IMDb this is a Landis trademark : “He often has his characters look into camera lens to make eye contact with the audience or 'break frame'". It’s true – it is all over his film work but most definitively when the late great John Belushi climbs up a ladder to view naked sorority girls and when getting what he thinks is a “money shot” turns to do his eye brow signature right at us. As a close tie - the scene in TRADING PLACES when the Duke brothers (Don Ameche and Ralph Bellemy) condescendingly try to school Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) about commodities. Murphy looks directly at us at a key moment in a “how stupid do they think I am?” look. Another trademark breaking the 4th came a few years later in SPIES LIKE US – this time Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase were trying to do their version of a Hope/Crosby road movie. During a stressful scene when our beloved SNL bumblers were pretending to be medical staff in Soviet Central Asia - the king of 4th wall demolition - Bob Hope himself appears as if in perpetual golfer mode - "Ah! Mind if I play through? (acknowledges Ackroyd and Chase) Doctor.. Doctor.. I'm glad I'm not sick."

* While this is indeed a Landis trademark on the TRADING PLACES commentary Eddie Murphy says it came from being so used to mugging at the camera on Saturday Night Live.

4. FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF (Dir. John Hughes, 1986) There are many instances of Hughes’s characters talking directly to the camera but Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) is purely definitive as a narrator, commentator, and chastizer – like Animal in THE MUPPET MOVIE he even tells the audience to go home at the end. His great moment in breaking the 4th walldom is when he informs us on the best methods of faking sick to get out of going to school (as if you didn't know the premise). I believe this is one of the reasons that this is former Vice President Dan Quayle’s favorite movie. After his parents exit Ferris looks us in the eye and says “Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.”

Special mention goes to PRETTY IN PINK (1986) At the prom conclusion Ducky (Jon Cryer) looks directly in the camera and knowingly nods after being given a come-on look by a girl on the dance floor.

5. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (Dir. Kevin Smith, 2001) – As a self pro-claimed Hughes disciple Smith has to work the ‘to camera asides’ but in this movie he may have overdone it a tad. For example – playing themselves Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have a fight on the set of the fictitious GOOD WILL HUNTING 2 : HUNTING SEASON (Yes I know, another film within a film) in which Affleck tries to school Damon :

“You're like a child. What've I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.”

They both turn and look at the camera for an obvious dig at Smith.

The overdoing it comes from this bit in the same film also involving Affleck who this time plays his CHASING AMY character Holden who warns - “I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Feature length? Who'd pay to see that?” Holden, Jay (Jason Mewes), and Silent Bob (Smith) all look right at us – and to really set things off - Silent Bob gives a smiling double thumbs-up.

6. TOP SECRET (Dir. Jerry Zucker, 1982) – There are many audience acknowledging nods throughout the Zucker Brothers canon like the one quoted at the top of this blogpost but this Zucker scene really drives the point home : Val Kilmer’s Elvis derived 50’s heart throb singer Nick Rivers pours his heart out : “Listen to me Hillary. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French underground." Hillary (Lucy Gutteridge) responds “I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.” They both recoil then look our way as if to say ‘did you get that?’ And speaking of 'getting that' :

7. SPACEBALLS (Dir. Mel Brooks, 1987) After being given the plot synopsis Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) looks at the camera and says "Everybody got that?" but most notably is the scene in which he and his minions actually put in a videocasette of SPACEBALLS to see what happens next and see themselves looking at themselves onscreen. Dark Helmet says : “what the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?” Colonel Sandurz (George Wyner) responds : “now. You're looking at now sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.” Too bad this didn’t help this decade too late STAR WARS satire to be more “in the moment”.

8. JFK (Dir. Oliver Stone, 1991)
I know, I know – every list I make has this film on it. Not only because it’s one of my all time favorite films but it does hold the monopoly on movie extras – deleted scenes, cameos, edits, and cinema contrivances galore confirm that it’s forever bloggable. That aside I really couldn’t leave out the moment that Garrison (Costner) wraps up his lengthy court summation by saying : “We, the people, the jury system sitting in judgement on Clay Shaw represent the hope of humanity against government power. In discharging your duty to bring a first conviction in this house of cards against Clay Shaw ‘ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country’. Do not forget your dying king. Show this world that this is still a government ‘of the people, for the people and by the people’ Nothing as long as you live will ever be more important – it’s up to you.” As the camera goes upward but still holds Costner’s direct camera gaze we get a feeling that this breaking the 4th wall stuff isn’t just comedy kids stuff. Which brings us to :

9. WAYNE’S WORLD (Dir. Penelope Spheeris, 1992) Like Eddie Murphy Mike Myers has a SNL mugging at the camera background and the characters here come from a cable access show in which they talk directly to the camera so of course they would continue to bash holes in the ever so fraglie fourth wall. Funnily enough they use it to satirize product placement at the same time. Wayne tells sleazy TV exec Rob Lowe that he"will not bow to any sponsor" as he poses with a bag of Doritos, a piece of pizza from Pizza Hut, takes some Nuprin, and tops it all off with a swig of Pepsi. He grins at us and even says the slogan "it's the choice of a new generation."

10. THE MUPPET MOVIE (Dir. James Frawley, 1979) Kermit and the other Muppets (my word program insists this should be capitalized) regularly consult the screenplay on their journey to stardom so it's unsurprising but still hilarious when Floyd Pepper (Jerry Nelson) says "well, if this were the movies..." and Dr. Teeth (Jim Henson) adds "which it is", Floyd continues "...we'd think of a clever plot device" then Scooter (Richard Hunt) energetically finishes "like disguising their car so they won't be recognized!" Yep, when in doubt just think of how it would be done in the movies. It'll save you every time.

Okay! That's enough meta-movie mania for right now - gotta go star in my own movie. Good luck with yours.

More later...

A Few New Reviews & Doing The Wright Thing

"I went to the video store and asked if they had the movie with Nicolas Cage and Hayley Mills. It was shot in black and white on color film. It was the one where they lost the war because they made all of the submarines out of styrofoam. Then I realized that wasn't a movie, it was a dream I had. Then I thought how cool it would be to rent your dreams. The guy says, "that's not a movie, that was a dream you had." I said, "how did you know that?" He said, "you tried to rent it last week. "I said, "well, let me know when you get it in.""
- Steven Wright

Thanks for everybody's comments and suggestions on my last post - 20 Great Modern Movie Cameos. I'm compiling the best reader's picks and will post them soon so please stay tuned. This time out a few movies now playing at a theater near you and new DVDs as well as a local live review of one of the greatest comedians (and sometime film actor) ever so please read on -


SWEET LAND (Dir. Ali Selim, 2005) This film has been around for a bit but only made its way to my local home town theater The Varsity this last week accompanied by the director who said this was his last stop on his publicity tour. Based on William Weaver's touching short story A Gravestone Made Of Wheat dealing with immigration issues and small town prejudices that delays the marriage of a German mail-order bride (Elizabeth Reaser) to a Norwegian immigrant farmer (Tim Guinee) in the days after World War I - SWEET LAND aims for a loving lyricism that for the most part it achieves. One of the only mis-steps are John Heard's Priest character who seems a bit off in tone to fully fit into the mechanics of this period piece - his "but I saw them dancing" dialogue feels a bit forced but Reaser is extremely beautiful (though her makeup is a bit much) and so is the Minnesota scenery. Remarking on the oft made comparisons to DAYS OF HEAVEN at the Q & A after the screening last friday night, director/writer Selim said "you can't shoot a field without people thinking you're referencing Terrence Mallick". Good point though for a first time film maker to be placed in such lofty company should make him as proud as he should be for this solid absorbing debut.

Also in theaters :

PARIS, JE T'AIME (Directed by 18 different directors including the Coen Bros, Alexander Payne, Wes Craven, Gus Van Sant, Tom Twyker, Alfonso Cuaron, and Isabel Coixet) In 1988 NEW YORK STORIES featured 3 short films made by master directors Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, and Francis Ford Coppola that collectively formed a valentine to the grand city. Multiply that by 6 and add a bit of LOVE ACTUALLY change the locale to Paris and you've got PARIS, JE T'AIME (translates to Paris, I love you). Much like its predessesors it's a mixed bag but with nearly 20 movie makers how could it not be? At its effective best it's as good as movies can get particularly the Coen Brothers-Steve Buscemi as a tourist in a subway segment which is the best thing the Coens have done since THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE.

Other successful bits are "Place des fêtes" by Oliver Schmitz which has a dying man falling in love with his paramedic and Alexander Payne's gorgeous "14e arrondissement" also about a tourist enjoying a profound day sight seeing. Even the misfires are interesting - Sylvain Chomet's "Tour Eiffel" about mimes in love is too cutesy but it's breezy enough and "Quartier de la Madeleine" by Vincenzo Natali with Elijah Wood and Olga Kurylenko is only useful if you've ever wondered how vampires make out. The Maggie Gyllenhall and Natalie Portman portions are annoying but then maybe it's just them that's annoying - I can't decide.With it's amazing photography and ratio of good material over bad PARIS, JE T'AIME deserves to be seen in theaters though it will also be fun later to skip and choose the best bits from the DVD platter. It's the tastiest anthology film I've ever been served.

Just released on DVD -

THE GOOD GERMAN
(Dir. Steven Soderbergh, 2006) Shot in black and white with its white washed exterior shots and rear projection when driving scenes THE GOOD GERMAN achieves beautifully the exact aesthetic of a film shot in 1945 so much that you may forget it's a current release and think you are watching Turner Movie Classics. Its got the look down but unfortunately it doesn't feel authentic. Soderbergh regular George Clooney plays a journalist who arrives in Berlin just after World War II has ended but the shadows and treachery still linger. He finds out that his scheming motor pool driver (Tobey Maguire) has been seeing Clooney's former lover (Cate Blanchett)- a prostitute with a complicated dark background. Well if you've read my reviews you know I'm not one for detailed plot descriptions so that's all you'll get. Overlong and undercooked with a cast that is as stiff as Mount Rushmoore (with the exception of the overacting Maguire who is completely out of his depth here), this film adds nothing to the great noir genre and left me feeling afterwards like I saw a bad CASABLANCA cover band. I'm sure after they were finished with this sober straight faced old school exercise I bet Clooney and Soderbergh were dying to get trashed and party it up OCEAN'S style.

A write-up of a live performance by a comedian? Isn't this supposed to be a film blog? Well I think Mr. Wright's connection to the world of movies is pretty undeniable especially since he's won an Oscar damnit! (For the short film THE APPOINTMENTS OF DENNIS JENNINGS - 1988) So hush your bitchin' and let me babble on :

"When I was a little kid I wish the first word I ever said was the word 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'unquote.'"

STEVEN WRIGHT live at the Carolina Theater, Durham June 6th, 2007 - I've seen Steven Wright before - in 1985 at Memorial Hall here in Chapel Hill and it was one of the funniest performances of stand-up I've ever seen. With a load of new material and a reputation from years of movie appearances (see below) and TV guest shots Wright walked onstage to thunderous applause early this month. Although the audience was familliar with a lot of his act (a recent Comedy Central special and DVD release When The Leaves Blow Away documents the new stuff) just about every line killed and it was fascinating to see him experiment with some lines that were obviously works in progress. He did about an hour and 40 minutes never losing momentum and I believe he only used a handful of jokes he had done 22 years earlier (pretty sure "I got arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli" and the bit about Harry Houdini locking his keys in his car were repeated) but these one liners are like classic crowd pleasers so that's not really a criticism. He even played 2 songs on the guitar - one was introduced as a song he wrote when he was three years old - "the kittie's trying to kill me". So nice in these stupid celebrity obsessed times to have a non-topical apolitical clever crafty comedian still going strong and gaining new generations of fans. Can't wait to see him again in 2029!

Wright was considered for my Cameos post last time out but didn't make the list so I thought I'd take this occasion to pay tribute to the great man with this handy dandy list :

5 Great Wright Roles

1. NATURAL BORN KILLERS (Dir. Oliver Stone, 1994) Maybe the closest to a dramatic part as Wright's ever done, uh well no not really. Dr. Emil Reingold is pure Wright through and through. When told by Robert Downey Jr. - "Mallory Knox has said that she wants to kill you."He responds in a matter of fact manner - "I never really believe what women tell me."

2. HALF BAKED (Dir. Tamra Davis, 1998) Uncredited and only known as The Guy On The Couch Wright has very few lines - "is it January?" he asks at one point but everybody always remembers his part in this aptly named pot comedy. Well, at least all my stoner friends do.

3. CANADIAN BACON (Dir. Michael Moore, 1995) Quite possibly the only legitimately funny part of Moore's only non documentary flop comedy Wright appears at his laconic lucid finest as "RCMP Officer at Headquarters". Thinking that there's a war with Canada angry American invaders (John Candy, Kevin J. O'Connor, Bill Nunn) are further angered by Wright's Canadian tongue - "I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?" Bill Nunn yells in Wright's face - "Aboot! It's ABOUT! And what's with this 'eh' business?!!?

4. COFFEE AND CIGARETTES (Dir. Jim Jarmusch, 2003) In the opening short film "Strange To Meet You" Wright meets Roberto Benigni for a cup of coffee and yes cigarettes. Fimed in 1986 the scene is relatively meaningless beyond its basic description but there is a palatable amusing sense of awkwardness when these guys styles mix - Benigni sure doesn't get Wright's caffeine popsicle bit. Credited as Steven he has one energetic moment - "I like to drink a lot of coffee right before I go to sleep, so I can dream faster." You can see the clip here.

5. SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER (Dir. Thomas Schlamme, 1993) Another near lame movie saved from complete lame-ocity because of a Wright appearance. As a pilot of a small plane he scares the Hell out of passenger Mike Myers with his admission that he has never flown at night and when pointing at the instrument panel he says "that's the artificial horizon, which is better than the actual horizon."

Notable mention goes to his DJ voice-over in RESERVOIR DOGS, his take on the infamous naughty joke in THE ARISTOCRATS, and his film debut in 1984 as Larry Stillman D.D.S. in DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN (which was Madonna's film debut too by the way).

More later...