"Yippie-kye-ay, Mister Falcon!" And Other EDITED FOR TV favorites

"This town is like a great big chicken just waitin' to get plucked.”
- Tony Montana (Al Pacino) from the edited for television edit of SCARFACE (1983) *

* If you need to know the original line email the address below

Usually I avoid when movies are shown on broadcast television because they're edited-for-time full-screen versions - I mean it's almost like they don't count. But sometimes when I come upon a movie I like when changing channels I've found they are sometimes worth watching for the re-dubbing of profane lines. SCARFACE above, and THE EXORCIST are famous for their creative hilarious for-all-audiences re-toolings. Not content to just use 'freak' or 'freaking' the censors picked every other f-word (frozen, fruitful, foolish, etc.) in the dictionary to cover all the 'fucks' in a recent airing of FARGO. It's quite a different movie when you see Steve Buscemi yelling "you foolish people!" after being shot in the face you know?

These are some other funny examples :

THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)

Original line : "You see what happens Larry, when you fuck a stranger in the ass?"
- Walter (John Goodman)

Edited line : “You see what happens Larry when you find a stranger in the Alps?”

also :

"This is what happens when you pump a stranger's gas!"


HIGH FIDELITY (2000)


“What the frog?”

– Barry (Jack Black)


THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998)

“Froggin’ ashpole”
- Ted (Ben Stiller) to Pat (Matt Dillon)

PLATOON (1986)

“Come on maggot farmer, move!”
- Pvt. Chris Taylor (Charlie Sheen)

SCARFACE (1983)

Original Line : "How'd you get that scar? Eating pussy?"
- Immigration Officer (Garnett Smith)

Edited Line : “how’d you get that scar? Eating Pineapple?” (also “pudding”)


THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995)

Original Line : "Hand me the keys you fucking cock sucker"
- spoken by all 5 suspects (Kevin Pollack, Stephen Baldwin, Benicio Del Toro, Gabriel Byrne, and Kevin Spacey) in the police line up.

Edited Line : "Hand me the keys you fairy godmother."

DIE HARD (1988)

Original Line : "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"
- John McClane (Bruce Willis)

Edited Line : "Yippie-kye-ay, Mister Falcon!"

LETHAL WEAPON (1987)

2 lines both spoken by one of the candidates for MAN OF THE YEAR 2006 - Mel Gibson as lovable suicidal cop Martin Riggs :

"We bury the funsters!”
and
"I'm a real cop, this is a real badge and this is a real firing gun!"

GOODFELLAS (1990)

Original Line : "You're a fuckin' mumblin', stutterin' little fuck"
Tommy (Joe Pesci)

Edited Line : "You're a friggin' mumblin', stutterin' little fink."


THE EXORCIST (1973)

Original Line: "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!"-
Regan (Linda Blair) possessed by Pazuzu (voice - Mercedes MacCambridge)

Edited Line: "Your mother sews socks that smell!"


PULP FICTION (1994)

Original Line : "I got my eyes wide fuckin' open!"
- Jules (Samuel L. Jackson)

Edited Line : "I got my eyes wide focused open!"


ROBOCOP (1987)


"You're gonna be a real mothercrasher!"
- Bob Morton (Miguel Ferrer)




Send your favorite 'edited for TV' lines to :

Boopbloop7@gmail.com



So if Peter O'Toole was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving would his mug shot look an better or worse than the poster for his latest film?

Discuss.




All I want to know about this movie is -

does it have a montage?



More later...

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The Film Babble Blog Review

"It's obviously inherently funnier to have in a comedy someone who isn't doing something very well. That is the basis of most comedy. If you're showing people where it's smooth sailing, where is the joke? If you go back to any movie, even a conventional movie, with any comedians, they're either not terribly intelligent or they're not doing something well." - Christopher Guest (Interviewed by Scott Dikkers, Onion AV Club 2/26/97)

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION (Dir. Christopher Guest)


While I agreed with many folk that the ensemble Christopher Guest comedy revue film peaked with BEST IN SHOW, I have to say that I really adored A MIGHTY WIND. The formula in that folk music re-union show premise was transparent but the songs were catchy as Hell, the back stories convincing, and there were many genuine laugh out loud moments throughout. I hate to report that Guest's newest FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION is plainly one too many trips to the well. Though the mocumentary angle is discarded the same large cast is here with Ricky Gervais (The Office, Extras) thankfully being among the few new additions to the cast.

This time out these folks are the actors, makers, and producers of a small indie movie "Home For Purim" who are given delusions of grandeur when the word of a few internet pundits speak of Oscar buzz. This really goes to the heads of the lead actors - Catherine Ohara particularly (unfortunately and way too obviously she's named Marilyn Hack). Her co-stars Harry Shearer and Parker Posey also freak out at the prospect of the lure of the award while the hilarity that was promised to ensue hides like a murder suspect.

It's not just that the plot revolves around such predictably desperate for fame fools - it actually hurts that the jokes (and I know the cast improvised most of them) are all over 5 years out of date - "the internet, that's the one with email -right?" All the talk of hype online and never does the word 'blogger' come up. The publicity junket stuff that makes up the last third of the movie - which includes parodies of Access Hollywood, The Charlie Rose Show and D-list informercial appearances (infomercials? Make that over 10 years out of date) is in this age of reality shows, round the clock docs, and endless coverage of every miniscule media moment is tediously tired turf here already done to death nightly on any number of Comedy Central, VH1, E! or Adult Swim projects.

The characters in THIS IS SPINAL TAP, WAITING FOR GUFFMAN, BEST IN SHOW, and A MIGHTY WIND had an undeniable sadness about them but as satirical statements they were as funny as movie personas can get. In FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION these people are just sad. It's just sad that Guest and his reperatory company are such terribly intelligent funny people who this time out are not doing something well.

Please let this be the swan song of these movies!
Or at the very least spare us another wacky Fred Willard hair-do!

More later...

R.I.P. Robert Altman (1925-2006)

"Retirement? You're talking about death, right?"

- Robert Altman (1925-2006)

I just filled up my Netflix queue with Robert Altman movies I haven't seen yet. I figured out that I've seen 15 of his 40 something films plus that Tanner '88 Showtime series. Surprising to find that a number of notable movies of his are not available on DVD at the current time - BREWSTER MCCLOUD (1970) (which he often said was his favorite) , HealtH (1980) ,THIEVES LIKE US (1974) ,COME BACK TO THE 5 AND DIME JIMMY DEAN JIMMY DEAN (1982), Hell even his film debut THE DELINQUENTS (1957) is missing in action. Pretty shabby treatment for movies that are constantly being referred to in various online cinema forums as cult movies.

"What is a cult? It just means not enough people to make a minority."
- Robert Altman

The first Altman movie that I remember seeing was POPEYE (1980). It was at the same theater that I work at part-time now - the Varsity. I was 10 and of course had no idea who Altman was. I learned as I grew older and saw his classic work (M*A*S*H, THE LONG GOODBYE, NASHVILLE among others) how uncharacteristic POPEYE was - Altman didn't "sell out" by signing on to the ill-fated Robert Evans project but his trademark vision barely surfaced in the murk of that cartoon adaptation. Images from it clash greatly with memories of films from the same period - compare POPEYE to the sublimely confusing 3 WOMEN (1977) and it is almost impossible to process that it is the work of the same director.

Sometime in the last year I bought the Criterion Collection special edition of SHORT CUTS (1993) (my personal Altman favorite) but only in the last week did I sample the bonus material. In addition to the bonus disc of docs, deleted scenes and typical bells and whistle whatnot it came with a reprint of the 160 page book of the Raymond Carver short stories that the film was based on and was published when the film was first released. I had been saving the book for...I don't know what but I actually read it and rewatched the movie now being able to pinpoint the sources and enjoyed it more than ever.

"Movies Now More Than Ever"
- Slogan for Griffin Mill's (Tim Robbins) Studio in THE PLAYER (1992)

After watching the rest of the various extras - docs, deleted scenes, etc I lent the disc and the book to a literary-minded friend who works with me at the theater at the end of last week. No great cosmic significance here, just interesting to me that I had absorbed and passed on one of Altman's greatest works just days before his passing.

It's sad but fitting that PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION was Altman's last movie. Its sad obviously because there will be no more films - seasons will come and go without his large cast revues and the circling cameras, overlapping dialogue, and insightful interplay. It's fitting because he said in interviews that PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION was a film about death - the end of an era. Many other directors have adopted some of his techniques (though his stuff is in a satirically sillier vein Christopher Guest has been often compared to Altman - more on that and his new movie FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION in a future post) but nobody has really come close to what he did. So the man has retired but the extensive body of work he has left us with that I for one know will be discovering and re-discovering the rest of my days. He was right on the money when he once said :

"Filmmaking is a chance to live many lifetimes."


More later...

I Think I Smell A BORAT...

"We support your war of terror!"
- BORAT (Sacha Baron Cohen)
displaying exactly the sentiment that makes his film such a gigantic hit.


The #1 movie-film in America right now with an approval rating of 96% on the Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer (you know the site that tallies up all the major reviews) BORAT : CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN is just burning it up this season. It does has a lot of funny moments though I personally feel much of the material would be better seen in individual Youtube clips - even at just 84 minutes the guys routine wears a bit. Peering in on the sold out shows at my local hometown theater where I work part-time, a drop-off in riotous laughter is strongly evident in the last third of the movie.

One sequence in particular I could have done without - a nude wrestling match between BORAT (Sacha Baron Cohen) and his morbidly obese manager (Ken Davitian) that starts over a tift in a fancy-pants hotel room and spills out into the lobby - so the public can witness of course. Thankfully black bars were inserted to cover the naughty bits. Definitely the scene where my laughter dropped off.

Being the second most hyped movie of the year (the first being SNAKES ON A PLANE) I was surprised at the critical reaction. Incredibly favorable notices remarking on the supposed sharpness of the satire and the telling socio-political statements it makes :

"The brilliance of BORAT is that its comedy is as pitiless as its social satire and just as brainy"
- Manohla Dargis (New York Times)

"He makes us squirm until we laugh and laugh until we squirm, holding a mirror to our darkest fears and prejudices."
- Bob Townsend (Alanta Journal-Constitution)

"Evil comedy, a new genre, has arrived. The bar has been raised and is flying over everyone's head."
- Victoria Alexander (FILMSINREVIEW.COM)

This is a bit much. I mean it does live up to the hype much more than SOAP and it does have plenty of genuine laughs but come on! It says more about how lame comedies have been in the last several years if this is being lauded so highly. As for all the "equal opportunity offender" comments critics have been tirelessly making variations on I was offended like Jerry Seinfeld would be "as a comedian" at how easy cheap and obvious some of the lines were - for example :

Borat Sagdiyev : This is Natalya. (He Kisses her passionately)
She is my sister. She is number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan.
(She holds up a trophy and smiles) Niiice!

Yep, now that's top-line-state-of-the-art-grade-A comedy!

More later...

Exile On Mean Street - Or Scorsese & The Stones Together Again

"He could stay up for days on end talking about movies and music, more about music than movies. He had this rock 'n roll head, knew every lyric and every title. He understood that the music was really a critical aspect of the zeitgeist of the times."
- Don Simpson (Warner Bros. Producer) on Martin Scorsese *

Okay so I loved THE DEPARTED as did most people I know and the majority of the critics but I didn't just want to write a formal review for it so I decided to do a piece on the notable reappearance of the Rolling Stones on the soundtrack of a Martin Scorsese film. I know it is far from surprising - Scorsese has made many movies that are chock full of '60s and '70s classic rock chestnuts. I mean he got one of his first movie gigs editing the movie WOODSTOCK (arguably the sunny flipside to the Altamont Hell of GIMME SHELTER which George Lucas worked on weirdly enough) And of course Scorsese made the seminal concert film THE LAST WALTZ and the definitive pre-motorcycle crash Dylan bio NO DIRECTION HOME, sure but it's his telling cinematic relationship with the music of the Stones, one song in particular that is the theme of this post which I call:

EXILE ON MEAN STREET

Or : Scorsese and the Stones Together Again

Martin Scorsese’s THE DEPARTED opens with a gruff Jack Nicholson voice-over monologue over archival news film of violence during Boston’s anti-busing protests in 1974. Eerily winding it’s way through the grainy footage comes Keith Richard’s stinging guitar intro to “Gimme Shelter” – the all-too familiar but still potent 1969 Rolling Stones classic. The film shifts to the present with shots of Nicholson’s character- Irish mob boss Frank Costello shrouded in a darkness that remains even when he enters a fully lit store-front. The piercing familiar strains of Richard’s guitar fade as the scene is set. The song has done its job of setting the ominous tone and spooky feel and can exit. Thing is, Scorsese has played this tune before – twice before as a matter of fact.

Several Scorsese soundtracks have been peppered with Stones tracks, always from the 60’s and early 70's era and always as scene carrying tone-setters. MEAN STREETS, Scorcese’s 1973 breakthrough, has an early scene in which the 2 main protagonists each respectively get stamped with their own Stones songs. A barroom jukebox blares the soulful “Tell Me” to present a cool, calm and collected Charlie (Harvey Keitel) as he glides half-dancing through the smoky red-lit tavern. A few minutes later wild rough unpredictable Johnny Boy (Robert De Niro) gets the jarring rollicking “Jumping Jack Flash” to greet him at the door. We assume back stories, identify the moods, and form some sort of a connection to these guys just from these songs doing their thing.


The Stones don’t show up in a Scorsese film again until GOODFELLAS (1990). Rightfully considered a return to form and probably his most popular film, the soundtrack was an amazing mesmerizing ride – mix-tape moviemaking at it’s finest with 3 Stones songs (or bits of) in the mix. Some kind soul (or someone with way too much time on their hands) posted an extensive listing of the 43 songs – most of them appearing as punctuating excerpts – and the place they occur in the film to the IMDb Message board for GOODFELLAS. When the era defining icons (Tony Bennett, the Moonglows, Johnny Mathis, Bobby Vinton) of Henry Hill’s (Ray Liotta) 50’s childhood descent into a crime filled adulthood dissolve into the unglamorous 70’s downfall we have “Gimme Shelter” make its Scorsese film debut. Only a minute of the song appears and its from the second half when Jagger’s and guest vocalist Merry Clayton’s wailing is at its peak. It defines the shot of Henry cutting cocaine at his girlfriend on the side Sandy’s (Debi Mazar) apartment. The jump-cut montage masterpiece finale sequence features bits of the Stones “Monkey Man” and “Memo From Turner” mixed in with snatches of the Who (“Magic Bus”), Muddy Waters (“Mannish Boy”), Harry Nilsson (“Jump Into The Fire”), and George Harrison (“What is Life”). These jarring song excerpts give a frantic jagged heartbeat to that one fateful day when Henry is on the run trading guns, setting up a major coke deal, hiding from helicopters, and trying to get a proper meal made at home (“keep stirring the sauce!” he yells on the phone to his wheelchair bound brother).

“Casino ? Caseen it . The first time when it was called Goodfellas. "
- David Spade (Hollywood Minute, Weekend Update SNL 1995)

Point is well taken - it's true CASINO (1995) presents same the tone, tension, some of the same cast as GOODFELLAS (Robert Deniro, Joe Pesci, Frank Vincent, Scorsese’s Mother Catherine) and this time 4 Stones songs among them “Gimme Shelter” as well, appear in the just as extensive soundtrack. CASINO does offer some good filmmaking and involving narrative drive but even for this hardcore Marty fan it has too much of ‘been there, done that’ feel. “Sweet Virginia”, “Can’t You Hear Me Knockin’” and “Heart of Stone” make their brief snatch cameos and it’s 5 Stones songs if we count Devo’s cover of “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”. Which I have to admit is an inspired choice here considering.

With the intro to “Gimme Shelter” setting off THE DEPARTED it’s almost as if Scorsese could argue that he’s never used the same part of the song in a film. Not sure if that’s true – I didn’t want to watch CASINO again but maybe someone will edit together a version of it from all three films and Youtube it. The new Stones addition to the Scorsese canon is “Let It Loose” from the 1971 album Exile On Main Street, possibly the most obscure Jagger/Richards composition to be chosen for his soundtracks. Appearing in a crucial scene it underscores the fear and intensity of boss Costello (Nicholson) roughly intimidating undercover cop Billy Castigan (Leonardo DiCaprio) in a barroom backroom. The Stones sound best playing on some sleazy jukebox in a run-down dive you understand. The scene is timed to "Let It Loose" - the entire song plays never dropping out or fading away. An searing effect that lingers comes off this standout scene. It makes the case for Marty to continue digging up, polishing off, and setting to visceral action whatever Stones song he wants (‘60s to early ‘70’s era only, mind you).

So why has Martin Scorsese used the Rolling Stones “Gimme Shelter” in three different films? Probably the same reason Woody Allen has used Benny Goodman’s “Sing Sing Sing” (more than once – it’s an effective, exciting and historic piece of music. “Gimme Shelter” was born out of the same era that Scorsese was being born as a filmmaker. No other song captures the darkness that came when the ‘60’s Utopian dream went deadly wrong with such wicked passion. It is a depiction of a floodgate of war, rape, and murder threatening to break violently open and drown us all. It seemed to be talking about Vietnam, talking about race riots, it seemed to foreshadow Altamont (the documentary concert film of which was named GIMME SHELTER), and it seemed like it illustrated everyday life in that scary era.

While writing this I learned that one of Scorsese’s next projects may be a concert film of the Rolling Stones current tour. According to the info circulating Scorsese will be following the aging rockers between two shows at New York’s Beacon Theatre on October 29 and 31. The shows will be part of former US President Bill Clinton’s birthday celebrations. Ah, well it all makes sense now. Very good chance we’ll have “Gimme Shelter” in a fourth Scorsese film. Maybe this time he’ll really nail it. I mean, in our current scary era a live in the moment performance of this dark scorching song (with a former President in attendance no less) might get the real cinematic treatment that the previous appearances of the songs were mere auditons for. Scorsese might just yet capture the true force and nature of that rock classic beast and tame it with his camera and later master editing. I mean as the song says “it’s just a shot away”.

Notes :

* This quote was taken from Peter Biskind's excellent book Easy Riders, Raging Bulls (Simon & Schuster 1999)

MUSIC DVD FUNTIME JAMBOREE

Okay, I promised some music reviews last week and didn't post any so here goes :

You could not come up with 2 concert films that are more different from each other than NEIL YOUNG : HEART OF GOLD and AWESOME! I FUCKIN' SHOT THAT! Jonathan Demme's work documenting Young's 2005 Ryman Auditorium performance is straight-forward and polished much like the music it presents. I'm far from a hardcore Young fan - I have I guess what you'd call the essential discs ("Harvest", "Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere", "After The Gold Rush", "Rust Never Sleeps", etc.). have seen him live a few times, but over the years have drifted away from his newer releases because of too many same-sounding songs. A few songs into the show - that complaint melts away. With a large band of ace players (including Emmyloo Harris, Dan Penn, Spooner Oldham, and wife Pegi Young) Neil plays the Prairie Wind album in its entirety then a smattering of crowd pleasing hits (like the title song especially) and it all sounds sweet to these ears. The DVD has some cool extras most notably a clip of Young on The Johnny Cash Show in 1970. Man, they need to release that show in full!

AWESOME! I FUCKIN' SHOT THAT! throws out the traditional approach and goes for the jugular - 50 fans are given Hi-8 and digital-video cameras to a Madison Square Garden Beastie Boys show and Adam Yauch's alter ego Nathaniel Hornblower edits together all their footage into one of the most rowdy, renograde, in your face concert films ever. One of the camera people even films his trip to the bathroom! Whatever your opinion of the Beastie's music this film is a lot of fun to watch - the split screens, the fast cutting, the wide range of angles, and the sense that the whole arena was pumping and pounding. It does drag a bit at times - the trance instrumental set wasn't as exciting as other bits but this inventive and punchy concert flick definitely deserves the right to, you know...party.

The best music documentary since Scorcese's NO DIRECTION HOME : BOB DYLAN in my book (or more accurately on my blog) is definitely THE DEVIL AND DANIEL JOHNSTON. Funny, disturbing, and never dull - the story of bipolar Beatles-obsessed quirky songwriting Devil-fearing Johnston is told by his extensive archive of home made films, audio-cassette diaries, magic marker drawings, and interviews with family and friends. The overwhelming amount available of Johnston's self documentation pours out of the movie and into the bonus features on the DVD - it takes quite a bit to get through all of it but it is worth every second.


More later...

The Failure Of The ALL THE KING'S MEN Remake

The IMDB reported this the other day -

"Oscar-winning screenwriter and director Steve Zaillian was clearly stunned by the critical and box-office failure of his latest film, ALL THE KING'S MEN, which opened with only $3.8 million in its debut and fell out of the top-ten in its second weekend. Zaillian told the Los Angeles Times that it was "like getting hit by a truck. ... I don't know what to make of it. Maybe down the road I'll figure it out".

Well maybe I can help figure it out - Since it is leaving my home town theater after a barely attended 2 ween run I decided to see the movie last night and it is one of the most boring movies I've ever seen!! Not since I almost went into a coma watching HOFFA has my time in the theater been so deadly dull. Hard to say exactly where Zaillian and crew went wrong - it is well photographed, the screenplay hits the right points, and the cast is A-list (Sean Penn, Anthony Hopkins, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Patricia Clarkson, etc.) - it just doesn't work. Most critics have blamed Sean Penn's overwrought performance and yes it is true he does deserve to be one of the patients in Monty Python's Hospital For The Over-Acting sketch but the blame lies elsewhere I believe.

I got the original 1949 version of ALL THE KING'S MEN (Dir. Robert Rossen) from Netflix and watched it this morning. It had won the best picture Oscar and for good reason - it is a good well crafted interesting exercise in good taste and restraint. Everything the re-make tries in vain for the original accomplishes with much more class. I'll take Broderick Crawford's believably flawed Willie Stark over Sean Penn's wretched over-the-top spastic Willie Stark any day.

So it was just another unnecessary remake. I can't think of one worthwhile remake that has been produced lately. Can you?

More later...